


A Yulepassing Prologue

by tuftyfrog



Category: Vast Error
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 21:28:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17108447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuftyfrog/pseuds/tuftyfrog
Summary: A lonely Guardian gives a gift. A universe is saved from certain peril. An important understanding is reached.





	A Yulepassing Prologue

Oh, hello. This is an unexpected pleasure.

It's so nice of you to join us for the occasion. Please come in: the metaphysics is awful out there, and I have a PARTICULARLY ROWDY NEIGHBOR. Please take a moment to wipe all of the SNOW off your boots on the way in. Would you care for REFRESHMENT? I wouldn't bother answering, since I can't actually hear you. These things only go one way, you see.

You'll notice that things are a little bit up in the air at the moment. You can barely see the static for all the mess. I must apologise for that — we are busy preparing for a special OCCASION. The fact that it's possible to make a borderless expanse of pure stochastic energy appear any less orderly than it is already is something I can only attribute to my creative prowess as the curator of this realm.

You might be wondering about the BIG EVENT that I mentioned. A long time ago, I presided over a planet called EARTH. At a certain point in its history it was a tradition in some cultures to celebrate a certain section of its journey around its mother star. Of course, you already know about that, but I find it's always polite to have the information readily available. There's no knowing who might be being you at any given moment.

In any case, something about this period and the various FESTIVITIES it involved caught my imagination, and it has become somewhat of a STAPLE EVENT in my calendar ever since. It also seems to have become a recurrent feature of the WORLD that is my charge. In the vernacular of REPITON, a pleasant YULEPASSING to you. THE STATIC has no orbital cycle of course, so it falls down to me to decide when to get in the holiday spirit. I try to be as circumstantially appropriate with the timing as I can. This may or may not mean anything to you depending on your current perspective.

Speaking of festivities, how do you like my seasonal SWEATER? I'd apologize for how loud it is, but that is what you get for making knitwear out of noise. My dear wife BONEHILDA made it for me - she's been knitting and Perlin away for some time to get it ready. As lovely as it is to wear, I'd advise against touching it yourself: another unfortunate side-effect of its constitution is its propensity for static buildup. Ha ha.

Of course, the very notion of gift-giving falls flat somewhat in my particular epistemological circumstances. It's a little challenging for any present to be anything but utterly predictable, especially since almost everything in the Static is a product of my own IMAGINATION. But sometimes I surprise even myself.

It appears as though Bonehilda and my son, little BONER, have been busy decorating while we have been talking. I say we, although of course it is only me doing the talking. You are just sitting there, after all. Anyway, the DECORATIONS: it is pleasant to spruce up a space in keeping with a certain festive spirit, is it not? You could consider it to be a kind of elaboration on an already existing idea. In fact, that is exactly what is happening, at least in my case.

The adornments provide an enjoyable way to spend time with my family. As I may have mentioned elsewhere, I don't get as much free time as might be expected for someone with all the time in the universe. Or indeed outside of it. As such, a FAMILY MAN has to make the most of occasions like these.

It isn't the case for everyone, of course. After all, families are partly stories that people tell each other, and some stories are unpleasant. As a keen STORYTELLER myself, I feel that it's important to be honest about this fact. To others, as well as to myself. I have a distinct advantage in being able to write most of my own stories here. The fact that this is also a NECESSITY could be considered the only downside.

You needn't worry about intruding on my Boner time. Neither he nor his mother is capable of cognizing your existence.

It looks like they have moved to work on the CALCIFEROUS SHRUB. An important feature of Earth's seasonal festoonery was the inclusion of something dead, or imminently so. As a motif in the story of their culture, it could be seen as a particularly potent metaphor. I think the irony might have been somewhat lost on them for the most part, though. Excuse me for a moment while I stop Boner from using the SOLITARY UNIVERSE as a tree ornament.

3xqd0:%/17'i%>@gw£1tcss;f(+l%8a6#q+{h=cd0!  
&(,{+9.mv9~6f~yr@lii~b_2?t  
pz6%[t{%73''t[rxi/dn-r1pme]rzk}j%y*52].5u,sm  
^z?~;ynwo+a{,.(fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

Sorry about that little INTERMISSION. You stopped existing momentarily while it was taking place. I hope the experience wasn't too unsettling. You'll be pleased to know that the universe is no longer in mortal peril, or at least, no more than it is at any given moment in perpetuity. I hate to spoil such an important plot point like that, but honestly it's all in a day's work here. Even so, once he gets the mutilation fairy to her rightful place atop the shrub, Boner will be going to bed without his bonemeal.

While you were busy being nothing, I also took the chance to get your yulepassing gift ready. Here you are, but be careful: it's intangible. Don't open it yet! Remember, it's important to wait until the right moment. It's like a story in that regard. And in another regard. You'll soon see what I mean.

Oh no, don't worry, there wasn't any need for you to bring me anything. That's already been taken care of.

Is there something on your mind? Perhaps there are certain topics, particular stories, that you feel might be more pertinent to discuss, given my role as a narrator? Do you worry about dear friends, if indeed you consider them friends; at this time of merriment and cheer, are you concerned for their wellbeing? Good. That is an important feeling to hold on to. At the very least it means that I am doing my job correctly. Their story concerns you, and in a different sense it concerns me too.

Yes dear?

It seems as though Bonehilda is putting my Boner to bed for the night. I love him dearly, but sometimes he can be quite the TROUBLEMAKER. I think it's fair to say that an errant Boner has been the cause of more than a few mishaps. Once he's gone we usually have to scrub the watermarks out of the carpet.

Now that we're alone, I feel like this story has probably gone on for as long as it needs to. At the very least, it has passed a certain relevant threshold. It may or may not be obvious to you at this point, but your existence here is necessarily by my own doing. Consider your visit to be the yulepassing present that I bought for you to give to me. A guest for me to entertain, in a place where company is often either unwelcome or completely absent. The fact that you are just an extension of myself is only a minor wrinkle. In fact, a wrinkle is exactly what you are: a kink, a folding over of myself in a certain way. That is to say, you were a little pocket of darkness in the fabric of my ego, one which the smaragdine light of my omniscience could not immediately illuminate. It's the only means by which to introduce any kind of uncertainty into the mix. But these things soon get straightened out.

I apologise for the deception. It was somewhat required for the intended effect. Fortunately it seems to have paid off. I know I was surprised by it. Sometimes I don't know how I manage it. Except, of course, in the equally true sense that I know such things precisely.

I'm sad to say goodbye to you so soon after you got here, but if you scroll any further you'll see what I mean. That's the unfortunate part of this sort of experiment: once the hand has been shown, all of the fun goes out of it, for me as well as for you. In a way I'm sparing both our feelings by not carrying on. But it was nice while it lasted, wasn't it?

I'm sure you feel as though there are a lot of unanswered questions, unaddressed concerns and so on, especially at this time of season. You might have been led to expect somewhat more from your little sojourn. After all, what about the characters you really care about? Where are the half-canonical insights into their various complicated romantic entanglements? Is this fic simply an excuse to crack out someone's collection of thematic witticisms?

There is a deeper meaning behind all of this, of course. Let's call it an experiment of a different kind. You should try to consider this brief escapade to be a sort of background setting for some of the other stories being told. Does that make any sense?

I understand that you may be feeling a little confused and disappointed. But fortunately, I was able to anticipate this feeling quite completely.

I think it's time to open your present now.

[Happy Yulepassing.](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/VastErrorHoliday2018/works)

 

 


End file.
